Succession: When TV feels like eating your vegetables

Vanderpump Rules has caused havoc on my life and viewing habits and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I wrote in this space last week that I was catching up on Succession in order to be able to watch the season premiere this past Sunday, and I’m here to tell you I did not do it! It’s not that I didn’t have time, it’s that I was watching Vanderpump Rules instead. It is my personality, it is my religion, it is my cult. I was actively trying to watch other things (my Swarm assessment is coming soon, and I have a lot of thoughts), but my remote weirdly kept going back to Peacock.

My relationship with Succession is already fraught. It took me years to even start watching despite lots of friends insisting on its greatness. I started season one a couple times, finally forcing myself to watch most of it sometime last year. It took, but it’s never been a show I’m dying to start the next episode of once one wraps up. This show has classic stakes (oh no who’s going to run things), but they just don’t keep me up at night. I’m always more interested when the emotional stakes overtake corporate intrigue, and the show doesn’t lean into that as much as I think it should. The bomb that goes off at Shiv’s wedding in season one—Kendall’s crime—was the event that really got me into the show, but I don’t think anything has matched that in the seasons since.

This sounds like I dislike Succession, and I don’t, but it is a slow-burn—and listen, compared to Vanderpump Rules, a reality series so packed with drama the camera regularly can’t keep up with it all—it just can’t compete for my eyeballs. When I have sat down to watch the back half of Succession season three, I feel like I’m eating my vegetables. VPR isn’t just dessert, it’s a McDonald’s sundae with nuts, whipped cream, caramel sauce and a cherry (Tom Schwartz is the cherry¹.)

This concept is familiar to me; as a TV reporter, I regularly watched many shows I wasn’t totally into for work. Since I don’t do that job anymore, I can watch whatever I want, obviously, but Succession is on my watchlist because I enjoy the characters more than the plot, and because I have mean pop culture FOMO (speaking of, I will watch The Last of Us soon, I swear).

I do some classic bargaining with my TV watching; for every two episodes of VPR, I’ll watch one Succession. I really think I will make it to the end of season three soon and join all you Succession-heads (Successionistas?) in the current season, but the danger I’m in now is that I am mid-season two of VPR and shit is SO REAL. Boyfriends be cheatin’, petty arguments become shocking confrontations, and no one has the budget yet to afford quality hairdressers. It’s chaos! And it’s everything I want from TV right now, so when I find myself with free TV time and I choose Succession, I’m willing it to end quicker so I can get my fix. Watching Succession is my losing a half day of skiing!

Oh by the way, while I’ll leave my Swarm thoughts for next week, it feels right to mention that another Culkin, Rory, pops up in the Swarm pilot. And boy does he pop up! I will be haunted the next time I confront a glass bowl of strawberries.

Movies, movies, moo-oo-veeee-ees²: I’m reading 1,001 Movies You Must See Before You Die that I picked up on a whim at Goodwill, and simultaneously reading the book Story by Robert McKee (if you want to talk about eating your vegetables…). These men really like movies other men made! Feminist annoyance aside, I am curating my own list of movies I should have seen by now. Some of them will be from the book, but they don’t have to be. Will take suggestions! (I know you don’t know which movies I’ve never seen, but there’s a lot of movies in the world, fam. Throw a dart.)

1. Used sparingly, adorable, and blatantly obvious you should stay away from it.

2. Do you remember this jingle too? What the hell was it for? Blockbuster?